For those theologians who believe the Wesleyan Quadrilateral is a useful tool in formulating systemic theology it is easily applied to the topic of marriage. The four categories of theological formulation according to the Quadrilateral are: Scripture, History (or Tradition), Reason, and Experience. It is a matter of debate whether or not this is a listing in order of priority or if these four approaches are to function as a rubric. It is my belief that they are a listing of order of priority with Scripture having the most prominent role in formulating one’s theology. Understanding this let’s look at the subject of marriage.
Even a cursory reading of the Bible will give the reader a quick knowledge of what God has ordained as constituting marriage. Adam and Eve were created as male and female and they were the first married couple (married by God Himself) and being the first, the marriage between Adam and Eve then becomes the “law of the first mention” or “rule of the first reference” we have in Scripture of what constitutes a marriage.
After Adam and Eve, we see generation after generation practicing marriage as originally designed by God. With the giving of the Law of Moses it was made clear by God that marriage was to be between a man and a woman. For those of you who still believe in honest Biblical scholarship, you cannot ignore the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Unfortunately, such references have almost become “politically incorrect” and/or “spiritually incorrect” in most churches today. Therein lies the problem. Not so much that Pastors are afraid or intimated to tell the particular story of Sodom and Gomorrah but more significantly, that Pastors are simply afraid to raise the standard of holiness. Pastors simply will not preach on evil, judgment, right or wrong, and “don’t even” mention the name of Satan or the Devil. Don’t you know, such talk is “medieval and unsophisticated.”
Not only is there confusion within the church itself as to what actually constitutes a marriage, there is also another frontal assault against marriage and it is what I will refer to as “Egocentric, Carpe Diem Romanticism.” By this I mean, the world has developed an almost fantasy type concept of what true marriage is to look like by relying on Hollywood Reality Shows, overpaid immature sports stars, overpaid immature musicians and other entertainers of various sorts to tell us what “real marriage” is supposed to look like.
Years ago I heard someone make a statement that has stuck in my mind. This person said you have to be careful when watching certain movies as they will take a story line that chronicles a person’s life over a period of decades and compress it into a 90 minute screenplay. You can watch a period of years simply be bypassed with the momentary “flip of the screen” to the next scene. While this may make for a good movie, it can hardly be considered an accurate portrayal of “real life” in the “real world.” In other words, in real life, those momentary flips from one scene to the next represent years and often times, tears. But yet, this is exactly how we think our lives should go, that is, let’s just simply bypass all the hard times, the work, the discipline, the growing and maturing and simply “have it all” on a whim – Carpe Diem. And it gets worse, for it is implied that you are one of the “enlightened few” who actually understand that life can be this exciting and most others don’t have a clue. So, go for it, live for yourself as you are one of the chosen and enlightened who really understand how to live at the higher levels of enjoying and experiencing life. If anyone brings such thinking into a marriage, that marriage is doomed. This is what I am referring to as Egocentric, Carpe Diem Romanticism.
Another word to describe what I am talking about is “antinomianism.” Antinomianism comes from the Greek word that literally means “against law.” A better way to describe antinomianism is the idea that you can hear the gospel message and at the same time, give no thought to, and simply ignore the code of conduct, morality, social convention and conviction of sin that goes along with the gospel message.
A very good discussion of antinomianism can be found in the book titled “Pastoral Theology” by Thomas C Oden. On page 8, Oden writes “Keep in mind that antinomianism is our own doing. We cannot conveniently claim to be victims of some external, evil, socially alienating force. We have welcomed it, confusing it with genuine Christian liberty. Its modern forms are sexual permissiveness, egocentric romanticism and a vague taste for anarchy…Feelings of guilt are considered neurotic. God turns out to be a naïve zilch who permissively turns his eyes away when we sin. How strangely different from the Holy One of Amos, Isaiah and Jesus.”
Another book where this concept comes up is found in “The Reason For God” by Timothy Keller. On page xxiii of the Introduction, a counselee of Keller writes “While sitting in a coffee shop reading C S Lewis’ Mere Christianity, I put down the book and wrote in my notebook ‘the evidence surrounding the claims of Christianity is simply overwhelming.’ I realized that my achievements were ultimately unsatisfying, the approval of man is fleeting, that a carpe diem life lived solely for adventure is just a form of narcissism and idolatry.”
How can I get to this point and not bring up a most clear and explanatory example of what we are talking about. How many remember the old country song titled “Help Me Make It Through The Night” by Sammi Smith. Let’s see, the lines were “I don’t care what’s right or wrong, And I won’t try to understand, Let the devil take tomorrow, Lord tonight I need a friend.”
With all of these faulty concepts stacked against what true marriage is supposed to be like, it is little wonder why so many fail. But there is yet a more significant problem. It is the absence of God in a marriage. By this I mean, God has to be a part of a marriage, just like He was in the beginning, in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. In the beginning, God was very much involved with the first marriage. God was Teacher, Counselor, Father, Creator and Lord. This was how marriage was created and instituted to be, that is, God was to be involved and God was to be the covering for marriage between a man and a woman. Seeing that this was the original model for marriage and the way God designed marriage, then how does anyone expect a marriage to succeed if God is out of the picture. Let me say it another way. Seeing that God created man and woman and subsequently established the marriage covenant between a man and woman by His authority, then how can a marriage be successful today if the married couple leave God out?
The model for marriage is found in the first few pages of the Book of Genesis. Adam and Eve are our example. It is when they chose to push God aside and do things their own way that things went terribly wrong. When God is absent from a marriage, you will see self-centeredness quickly move into such a marriage. And, with self-centeredness comes strife, resentment, anger and division. If Adam and Eve, being the first and perfectly created married couple were not spared the consequences of rejecting God as being a part of their marriage, then who is anyone today to believe that they would not suffer the same?
From the beginning of the history of man we have a clear and indisputable model of what a true marriage is supposed to look like. It is a marriage in which God is the center and in which God is allowed to be a guiding influence. Apart from this, it is little doubt that any marriage will be successful.
